By popular demand, an archive of the best quotes overheard while I’m bartending at Stober’s Bar in Lansing, MI.

“I am not sober, and I want a sandwich.” 5/20/10

“Stobers is like the land of misfit toys.” 5/19/10

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ll punch you in the f$%#n face if you can’t get into Twin Peaks.” 5/12/10

“I’ve never tried a lot of French cuisine, I always thought it was a lot of cheese a lot of wine and a lot of shut the f%$# up.” 5/11/10

“Is this in the hood?” “Hood is a state of mind, man.” 5/10/10

“The worst part about the smoking ban is that now I have to smell the patrons.” 5/6/10

“Total trainwreck, man! I’m havin’ a great time!” 4/30/10

“I’m f%#&n s#%$faced, can I have a piece of pepsi?” 4/29/10

“You make the best drinks! You make drinks so good. I want to marry you and have drinks babies.” 4/28/10

“You know Pete, right? Big fat white guy?” “No.” “Well he’s a big fat white guy.” 4/22/10

“Can I have some alcohol in a glass?” 4/22/10

“Do you have Coke or Pepsi products?” “Pepsi.” “May I have a water?” 4/21/10